Dealing with my mental ill health
This blog post is to provide an update on my mental health as well as talking about my struggles and the help that is in place for every to access and use as and when needed. There is support out there for everyone whether thats accessed by choice or as a referral from your doctors or carers.
So its no secret that I struggle with mental health issues, those being mainly anxiety, depression and social anxiety. Now these have a massive effect on my everyday life and have done for the last fourteen (14) years. There has been times when I've felt completely motivated and ready to get on with everything almost like it was my time to shine, however I have also had times where I have been so drained of energy and felt like giving up completely.
I'm not here wanting to provide any false promises or expectations that dealing with mental health will be a walk in the park. It's easier for some people to manage and come to terms with, however mine is a constant struggle which sometimes I find it incredibly easy to manage and I'm able to easily get on with my day, but then comes the other days where I am completely overwhelmed and feel stuck, trapped and consumed by my own mental ill health.
I have struggled with incredible amounts of stress and hate which had led me down the route of self harming and even to attempts at ending my own life. Which I am so incredibly grateful have all been unsuccessful, because I know deep down that I am not ready to leave and I don't want my life to end. I see it that every attempt wasn't an attempt to end my life completely but to kill the part of me that I don't like; that being the depression and anxiety parts of me as I feel that as a person, I don't like the way I am, nor the person that I am and who I have become.
I believe that a huge part of my mental health issues had been caused by me suppressing and trying to hide the fact that I'm gay. I have just come out, well not long come out to my family and friends and I can honestly say that since coming out I have felt an awful lot better in myself and have gained a whole lot of confidence at the same time as reducing my anxiety and depression level massively as I feel that I no longer need to hide who I am or be scared, worried or concerned about what other people will and may think of me. My sole purpose is to focus on myself, my thoughts, my feelings and putting myself first 90% of the time. Which contrary to other peoples thoughts and feelings on the matter, there is some situations where I cannot physically put myself first.
Anyway back to the reason for this blog post. I have recently began to struggle again with my mental health issues, more than anything the anxiety and depression. I had a seriously low point towards the end of February 2021, where I took a family friend an hour and a half on the phone to get me to come home and talk to them about what was troubling me and reassuring me that they wouldn't judge me and that they would help and support me with whatever I needed. I was so incredibly low and felt that suicide was my only option and my only way out. I had also relapsed in the regards of self harming again and I ended up self harming worse than I have ever done it before. I am currently waiting counselling and I am on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, which so far they haven't had an affect on my mental state. I am however feeling a lot better and I have a strong support network put in place with regards to my family and family friends who are all willing to help me with whatever I need, whether thats just a chat or to provide a much needed distraction to calm me down or prepare me to open up and talk about what was affecting me, troubling me or causing me to feel low and down that day.
The most important thing I have learnt from my last relapse and struggle with my mental ill health has also caused me to realise that I am not alone and that there is so many people who love and care about me and that there is so much help and support out there for me and everyone else to access.
Below are a few helpful sites and links that are available if you need them for yourself or if you have a friend who is struggling. Even if you just want some extra information so you can help and support someone you love and care about.
- https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/
- https://www.mind.org.uk/
- https://youngminds.org.uk/
- https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/what-are-mental-health-problems/mental-health-help-you/other-useful-organisations
- https://www.headspace.com/
- https://itunes.apple.com/gb/developer/headspace-meditation-limited/id384434796
- https://www.calm.com/
- https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/calm/id571800810?mt=8
Thank you 🤍
ReplyDeleteYou are so so strong
Thank you :)
DeleteNot strong at all in my opinion , just wanting to help others
Thank you for sharing. I will have to try some of what you’ve said
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading, hopefully some of whats helped me can help you as well
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