Mental Health ~ Depression

 Lets talk about Depression 

Depression isn't all sadness and crying or even self harming, even no where near as extreme as just wanting to die or commit suicide. Some times the happiest looking people in the world can also be severely depressed. 

Depression is:

• Being sad
• Crying
• Being unsociable
• Caused by something
• May take medication 

Depression is also:

• Carrying on
• Smiling
• Saying it's all fine
• No specific cause
• Putting others first

There is such a stigma attached to depression and the ideology that some people state and insinuate that people who say that they are suffering from depression are only doing it because they are craving and looking for attention. Due to these insinuations, many people choose to suffer in silence and alone, which can lead to them becoming more and more increasingly vulnerable and isolated. Now I'm not insinuating that these individuals are becoming isolated as a result of people choosing to avoid them because they are suffering from depression; I am referring to those of us who are suffering with depression are becoming more and more isolated because we becoming unsociable and not wanting to trouble others with the sadness and the crying.

As a suffer of depression myself, I know that talking about my struggles and whats affecting me that day is incredibly difficult as I constantly feel like a burden and that I'm dumping my problems on everyone else. As a result of this I chose to and still choose to isolate myself away from my family and friends as to not burden them with my issues and the constant barrage of problems that I feel like I'm always struggling with. My depression has become that much of an issue in my day to day life that even when I'm with family, friends or at work I zone out and have no clue what's happening. I completely zone out while having conversations with people and I end up totally pretending to be listening, just standing there nodding in agreement and saying 'yes' or 'yeah' to make it seem like I'm actually listening and that I'm in the room with them, when in reality my body is present but my mind is like 1000 miles away trying to comprehend what's going on. Overthinking, over analysing and trying to work out what I did wrong with my life, how I've fucked up, why I'm actually attempting to scare people away but at the same time trying to make friends ad make people like me by saying random shit to help me to actually make an effort and force a smile and laugh. I spend so much time faking my own happiness for the benefit of others when in reality I'd much rather be drowning at the bottom of a lake, or a river, the sea; any body of water that is depression enough for me t be drowning in. I'm not saying that I want to die at all, its just my thought process because I feel like I'm drowning inside of my own head, surrounded by my own thoughts which are so consuming, that the actual thought of drowning isn't that much of a concern or issue to me. 

Due to my depression and as a result of my depression I have self harmed in the past and I have attempted suicide. From the three videos above, you can see the documented different attempts that I have had which are uploaded to and moved across from my TikTok @baileycpc_

THIS IS A TRIGGER WARNING! 

The two videos below are the physical representation of some of my self harming, as a result of the videos below I have put this statement between them due to the possibility of the risk of it being  trigger for some individuals with signs of cuts, and blood. 

As the above videos show, I self harmed and had done quite severely. However for the majority of the cuts, they have now healed and are no longer visible, that being said some have healed but are currently still incredibly visible and will most likely be more prominent scars than I have ever had from previous times where I have self harmed. I am fully aware and educated on the extreme risks and the severity as well as the repercussions that can come from self harming. It goes without saying that self harming carries incredible risks, one of those being death. Now I know that not everyone who self harms is intending to end their life, but even if thats not the case, there is still the chance that self harming can lead to your death; all it takes is for you to hit a major artery or vein and it can quickly take a turn for the worst. Of course, from self harming you are also running the risk of the cuts becoming infected, which can lead to further issues and complications, such as septicaemia (blood poisoning) which can then lead to in some extreme cases loss of limbs and in some more extreme cases even death. Every time I have self harmed I have always ensured to make sure that I look after the cuts, from checking on them, cleaning them, covering and wrapping them to make sure that they are healing properly and that none of them have become infected. 

There is obviously no way in which I can prevent or stop anyone from self harming, but I can advise and provide support and helpful information if needed. I can also help by making people aware of the severity from self haring and the risks associated with it. For me self harming was an attempt at trying to feel something as a result of my depression making me feel completely numb to everything; but it was also my attempt at asking for help, sort of like a cry for help to get people to notice that something was wrong and have them ask me if I was okay. Now as much as I try to justify this as my way of asking for help with my depression, every time I self harmed had been on my thighs so that I was able to hide and cover them without having the risk of family, friends or work colleagues noticing and proceeding to ask questions. 

Self harming was just one of the side effects of me suffering from depression. Other side effects and issues I've had as a result from me suffering from depression included me isolating my myself from everyone who I love and care about. Further more as a result of my depression I lost all enjoyment in going out and planning events with my mates during secondary school and college as well as losing the fun and joy of being outside and spending time with family.  The medication that I had been put on had no effect my mental health or helping in anyway with improving my mental state of mind, all the medication did for me was make me feel numb and emotionless rather than helping me with the effects of my mental ill health and my depression, as a result I was instructed to stop taking them by my Doctor as the medication I was on was highly addictive and my Doctor was concerned about me becoming addicted and dependant on them.

An Overview of Clinical Depression

Depression is more than just imply feeling unhappy or fed up for a few days. Most people tend to go through periods of feeling down, but when you're depressed you feel persistently sad for weeks or months at a time, rather than just for a few days. There are some people who think that depression is just trivial and that it isn't a geniune health condition. Which is completely wrong. Depression is a real illness with real symptoms. Depression is neither a sign of weakness or something that you can simply "snap out of" by "pulling yourself together". However, there is some good news with depression, in that with the correct treatment and support, most people with depression can make a full recovery.

When to see a doctor

It's important to seek help from your GP (General Practitioner) if you think you may be depressed. Many people wait a long time before seeking help for their depression, but it is advised to seek help early on as it's best to not delay treatment. The sooner you see a doctor, the sooner you can be on track to recovery. 

So what causes depression?

Sometimes there's a trigger for depression. That can be a life-changing event or events such as bereavement, the loss of your job and even giving brith can bring on depression for some people.

People with a family history of depression are more likely to experience it themselves, but you can also become depressed for no obvious reason at all.

How can you tell if you have depression?

Depression affects people in different ways and can cause a wide variety of symptoms. They can range from lasting feelings of unhappiness and hopelessness, to losing interest in he things you used to love and enjoy doing, as well as feeling very tearful. For most cases, many people who have depression also tend to experience and have symptoms of anxiety alongside. Depression also has physical symptoms as well which include constantly feeling tired, sleeping badly, having no appetite or sex drive as well as various aches and pains. The symptoms of depression can range from mild to severe in different people and at different times while diagnosed as clinically depressed. At its mildest, you may simply feel persistently low in spirit, while severe depression can make you feel suicidal and make you think that life is no longer worth living.

Most people experience feelings of stress, anxiety or a low mood during difficult times.A low mood may improve after a short period of time, rather than being a sign of depression.

Treating Depression

Treatment for depression can involve a combination of lifestyle changes, talking therapies and medicine. Your recommended treatment will be based on whether you have mild, moderate or severe depression.

If you have mild depression, your doctor may suggest waiting to see whether it improves on its own, while monitoring your progress. This is known as 'watchful waiting'. Your doctor may also suggest lifestyle measures such as exercise and self-help groups. Talking therapies, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), are often used for mild depression that is not improving or for moderate depression. Antidepressants are also sometimes prescribed.

For moderate to severe depression, a combination of talking therapy and antidepressants is often recommended. If you have severe depression, you may be referred to a specialist mental health team for intensive specialist talking treatments and prescribed medicine.

Living with Depression

Many people living with depression benefit from making lifestyle changes, such as getting more exercise, cutting down on alcohol, giving up smoking and eating healthily. Reading self-help books or joining a support group are also worthwhile. They can help you to gain a better understanding about what causes you to feel depressed and by sharing your experiences with others in a similar situation can also be very supportive.